My husband, Andrew, and I have always known we wanted children and talked about adoption early in our relationship. Little did we know that five years later, after a year of trying to conceive we would learn that he has a genetic condition that led to a diagnosis of non-obstructive azoospermia (lack of sperm). We were shocked to learn we had less than a .1% chance of ever getting pregnant, even with IVF.
Because of those early conversations we turned to adoption very quickly. I started researching types of adoption, agencies and trying to find anyone who could help us learn. I did a Google search and found Adoptive Families where I “met” and started talking with a woman in St. Louis who told me about the IAS adoption support group.
Andrew was hesitant but I was overwhelmed with all of the information and decisions to be made. We started attending the meetings where Danielle and other families answered our questions, shared their experiences and let us know that we weren’t alone. We eventually chose an agency, completed our home study and profile book and began our waiting process in July 2013. By mid-August we were matched with an expectant woman in Colorado and only two weeks later received the call that she was in labor. This was all happening SO fast!
After frantically booking flights and packing our bags we headed to the airport. On the drive to the hospital we were cramming baby information from What to Expect in the First Year and trying to calm our nerves. The walk through the hospital to meet D and her baby was the longest walk of our life. We walked into the room and met D and “our daughter”. We instantly hit it off with D and her parents and spent several hours bonding with them before she was discharged and went home to recover. We stayed at the hospital with baby E, whom we named and loved at first sight. Sadly, after spending 4 wonderful days with baby E, her father decided to contest the adoption. We called D and asked her to hurry to the hospital to be with E and started to pack and say goodbye to E and headed to the airport.
To say this was the hardest thing we have ever gone through is putting it lightly. Knowing she was with her wonderful mom, who was more than capable and willing to raise and love her was comforting, but we grieved for several months over the life we had envisioned with her. During these days and weeks the IAS community embraced us and became even more invaluable. We were encouraged to talk, to grieve, to question the process at each meeting, which allowed us to eventually overcome our devastation and move forward.
On March 12th at 1pm our social worker called to say there was a woman in labor who wanted to place her child, did we want to have our profile shown? We said yes and went back about our routines. At 11am the next morning, I received the call that changed our lives forever; our daughter was born and waiting for us to come meet her at a nearby hospital. We quickly left work and drove immediately to her, discussing names on the way. We walked in and a nurse handed our daughter Penelope to me with a bottle. The moment is forever etched into my memory. Due to some legal issues and our agency being extra protective of us after the Colorado incident, Penelope stayed with an interim-care family until she was one day shy of one month old, but we visited her often and received daily updates from this loving and amazing family. They remain close family friends and we can never repay them for the love and kindness they showed our daughter and us during those weeks and still today.
Penelope’s adoption was to be closed but when she was two months old, her birth mother decided she wanted to arrange a visit and we were thrilled. We were able to learn about her and her family, give her a gift and photo album and take some photos for Penelope to keep. We have a lovely relationship with her, share photos and visit as often as possible. It’s amazing to watch Penelope’s relationship with her grow as her understanding of her adoption develops. I’m sure it won’t always be easy, but she knows who she is and where she comes from and that seems like a pretty great start.
Penelope has asked for a baby sister since the moment she could form a sentence. We explained the process and how we would have to wait to her, but that didn’t stop her from asking. In April/May 2018 we officially became a waiting family with our adoption agency. Once again we had a match that ended in the mother deciding to parent. This time though, we had a different perspective. Not to say it was easy, but we stayed confident our baby would find us. On January 3rd, our social worker texted about a baby born that morning. Our profile was shown in the afternoon and by evening we were arranging to meet the mom the next morning. What a whirlwind! It was clear she loved her daughter very much and knew what she was looking for in a family for her. We discussed name ideas, what our life is like and how our relationship with Penelope’s birth family is. The next morning we were told that she wanted us to parent her daughter and we needed to hurry to the hospital. On January 5th, we brought Hazel home to meet her big sister Penelope. We share photos and updates often and look forward to a very long relationship with our girls’ first families.
The friendships we’ve made through IAS have helped us get through the good, the bad and the ugly of our adoption journey and we will forever be grateful.