My husband and I started trying to get pregnant towards the end of his time in grad school. Because there were several “whoopsie” babies in his side of the family, he was convinced we would get pregnant immediately so he didn’t want to start one second before he was ready and we were prepared. He had me convinced fairly well too so when I wasn’t pregnant that month, it was a bit deflating for both of us but we both thought surely, it would happen soon. When a few more months went by and still no positive tests, we decided to get serious about this process-maybe we weren’t trying hard enough or we were trying at the wrong times-whatever it was, we were bound and determined to figure it out.
We started tracking my cycles religiously, using ovulation kits, etc but when I wasn’t pregnant 6 months or so into the process, we decided to make an appointment with my OBGYN. After running some blood work to confirm that I was ovulating, she prescribed “keep trying” and “relax” and seemed very confident that I would be pregnant in no time. I remember when the nurse called to let me know that I was ovulating, I asked what the next steps were and the nurse seemed caught off guard and said something like “I don’t think she is recommending anything else at this time.” She told us to try at least 6 more months before doing anything else. This was really frustrating to me because I was starting to think there was something wrong and I felt like she really didn’t hear my concerns. After a few more months of trying and some more research, we decided to get my husband checked out. After a trip to the Urologist where he was told he basically had “Superman” sperm (actual words used by the doctor) we were told to change nothing and keep trying. This was reassuring but also frustrating- we still didn’t have a good reason it wasn’t working.
At this point, I started researching reproductive endocrinologists and fertility issues. It just didn’t seem right that there would be nothing wrong. I had so many friends that had gotten pregnant accidentally or within a month or two of starting to try. It seemed like this was an awfully long time to go without even a hint of a pregnancy.
Right around the 1 year mark, I made an appointment with an RE. She ran more blood work and wanted to do a few more tests including an HSG and SHG and she also had my husband do another sperm analysis. But after all of that, we were diagnosed “unexplained infertility”. All our tests had come back good, we were both young and pretty healthy- which was just so incredibly frustrating. I really wanted there to be a good reason, at least then if we knew the problem, we could hopefully fix it! Our RE suggested a medicated cycle so that we would know exactly when the right times were and she thought we had a pretty good chance of that working. But three cycles and three more negative pregnancy tests later, she suggested we move onto IUI with medication.
It was around this time that I found IAS. All of this testing, and tracking and worry was making my stress levels rocket and I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to about it. My friends had all seemed to get pregnant easily or they didn’t want children yet-neither group really had good empathy or advice for me. On top of this, we had been married several years at this point and were getting plenty of the “When are you guys finally going to have kids?” questions which was so hurtful. I wanted to yell at each person who asked this about how hard we actually were trying but never got the courage to. My husband and I attended an IAS meeting around the time we were starting IUI. It was a breath of fresh air to be able to talk to others going through the same thing and to be able to complain and ask questions freely with people who understood how hard this was. I continued to attend monthly while we did 3 IUIs with medication and received three more negative results. It was still really difficult but at least now I felt there was a place I could go talk about it, where I felt heard and could vent.
After the third negative IUI, our RE said our best bet was IVF. We were terrified! Selfishly, I felt like we shouldn’t have to do IVF- we had great test results! But the bottom line was that we wanted a baby and this seemed to be our best hope. I started a new job in December that covered a portion of fertility treatments through the insurance offered. As soon as we could get scheduled in January, we began the IVF process. I was so thankful to have my IAS group to talk to because I felt better prepared for how crazy the IVF process is and I could also talk to people as I went through it that had been there.
March 5th 2017 we transferred two embryos knowing one was of a bit poorer quality than the other. At the time of transfer, we were told we weren’t likely to have any embryos to freeze so this was it! My insurance coverage was maxed and we couldn’t afford a round on our own. Much to our shock and happiness, about a week later I had a positive pregnancy test for the first time in my life. It didn’t seem real. I still had a lot of worry, especially in the first trimester, but really my whole pregnancy. I was so used to things not going our way, it continued to surprise me that I had no big concerns throughout my pregnancy and at the end of November, we had our perfect sweet baby boy.
Even after the IVF process, we still don’t have a good reason for our fertility issues but we are so thankful that we had the ability to have a baby despite them. We ended up having one embryo that was frozen so our son has one potential sibling waiting when we are ready. Infertility will always be part of my story but in some ways, I am thankful that things worked out the way they did. Infertility has taught me to be a more patient mom and a more kind and compassionate friend. I often end up somehow finding the other people who have struggled when we are out or at parties. There is a sisterhood, of sorts, for those of us who know what it’s like to fight so hard to be a mother. I am so thankful I found IAS and have these women in my tribe.